tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427426624757697771.post7636451294556730335..comments2014-10-18T20:24:10.119-07:00Comments on What? Is My Autism Showing?: An Open Letter to the Extreme Autism AdvocatesSerenityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10650101901884658415noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427426624757697771.post-48123162251807855682014-10-13T23:58:04.595-07:002014-10-13T23:58:04.595-07:00I hope they hear me, too. Life is too short to spe...I hope they hear me, too. Life is too short to spend it wallowing in anger and pain.Serenityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10650101901884658415noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427426624757697771.post-59117022061454906222014-10-13T23:56:38.204-07:002014-10-13T23:56:38.204-07:00I am sorry that you were beat up. I think it's...I am sorry that you were beat up. I think it's sad when a person bullies other people online. Your son is wise :-)Serenityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10650101901884658415noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427426624757697771.post-59873630356957408172014-10-13T23:54:23.246-07:002014-10-13T23:54:23.246-07:00Thank you for so eloquently summing up my blog. I ...Thank you for so eloquently summing up my blog. I was worried that people would get bogged down with all the words, and I am more than glad to see that they were not bogged down :-)<br /><br />Not to ever forget Kelli or Issy, but I think the adult advocacy movement needs to move onto a different topic. There are so many more worthier ones to pick from: mental health, caregiver burnout, employment, etc. Today's adult advocates will eventually pass their torches on, and I really hope for today's children, that we're not re-hashing the same topic.Serenityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10650101901884658415noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427426624757697771.post-52160536470194136542014-10-13T23:12:46.794-07:002014-10-13T23:12:46.794-07:00"It's not only the lack of services, it&#..."It's not only the lack of services, it's the fact that all the services in the world don't seem to help our children." I don't have children, and the sentence increases the knowledge part of my brain. Thank you for that :-).Serenityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10650101901884658415noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427426624757697771.post-58397999339661156572014-10-13T23:02:59.847-07:002014-10-13T23:02:59.847-07:00BarnMaven: Ditto what Jill said, "Really well...BarnMaven: Ditto what Jill said, "Really well put," and thank you for your words. I hope your brother has found the peace that he could not find on this Earth. I would like to think that my dad has found peace.Serenityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10650101901884658415noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427426624757697771.post-57307577387717112242014-10-13T13:32:27.794-07:002014-10-13T13:32:27.794-07:00Also, when I was writing the above post, I was not...Also, when I was writing the above post, I was not thinking about the Dr. Phil show or how the public perceived autism. I was more upset about the treatment of those showing compassion towards Kelli and from a mental health viewpoint.<br /><br />I will let the rest brew until tonight (that's the bad part of having ADHD and autism with a poor language retrieval system - my words tend to be all over the place in my brain, and I have to rope and corral them before they make any sense from a critical thinking point of view).Serenityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10650101901884658415noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427426624757697771.post-80637817869567892422014-10-13T13:13:40.671-07:002014-10-13T13:13:40.671-07:00Hi.
Thank you for your considerate words. I wish ...Hi.<br /><br />Thank you for your considerate words. I wish to read your post and let it brew in my mind for awhile before I reply. Off the top of my head, I used the word "extremist" to separate out the fact that I did not mean every day advocates. I meant the ones who were using anger and hatred to further their advocacy roles. I'll be the first to admit that I did not watch the Dr. Phil show. I make it a point not to watch these type of shows, nor the news in general, because I'm tired of all the fear mongering and the talking heads. I read a select few sources and only take it with a grain of rice. I think that's called the fallacy of living in the autism world - everything is colored with the autism spectrum and you don't tend to see the outsiders point of view.<br /><br />I will have to finish this up tonight, once I let the words finish brewing. I don't have a computer right now - all of mine have died, as have my mom's, and I am typing on my stepdad's laptop which is on the kitchen counter. It sort of makes it hard to think, especially with the cats walking over the keyboard.Serenityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10650101901884658415noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427426624757697771.post-5776663196870552882014-10-13T05:11:57.502-07:002014-10-13T05:11:57.502-07:00(continuation of previous comment due to space con...(continuation of previous comment due to space constraints) <br /><br />As I read your post last night and it's not fresh in my mind, I'm undoubtedly missing some points that I wanted to respond to; however, this comment is already long and as such I should probably end it. But please consider that while nearly every minority group and/or luminaries throughout history that speaks up and asserts a claim to civil rights has been branded as fringe and extremist; hindsight often rights that wrong. Martin Luther King, Jr., Nelson Mandela, Susan B. Anthony, Mahatma Ghandi, Desmond Tutu, and many others whom I deeply admire and respect. <br /><br />I'd like to close with a link to a post that I hope readers might find helpful. The author eloquently describes what many Autistic activists have been trying to say about a particular topic that tends to polarize the community, but does so in an eloquent and tactful way that I hope will resonate with those who read it. Thank you for your time and for permitting me to dialogue here. <br /><br />https://unstrangemind.wordpress.com/2014/10/07/aba/<br />Morénikehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17360855353262663284noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427426624757697771.post-79473264743526758852014-10-13T05:10:10.717-07:002014-10-13T05:10:10.717-07:00GM,
I don't believe that we are acquainted, s...GM,<br /><br />I don't believe that we are acquainted, so I hope it's okay to comment here. I am by no means wanting to "troll" your blog, and I hope that my words will demonstrate that. <br /><br />I'm going to have to divide my comment in two as it exceeds your maximum character count; my apologies. <br /><br />Before I begin, I'd like to thank you for sharing the very personal and I'm certain painful experiences of your childhood. It takes a lot of courage to do so, and FWIW I am sorry those things happened to you and believe that many youth in similar family situations will find encouragement in you.<br /><br />However, respectfully, I think that your post commits some of the same fallacies that you're attributing to autistic activists - making generalizations/painting a group with a pretty wide paintbrush. There really isn't just one perspective among the people whom you are referring to as "extremists." Yes, there are some commonly held views, but there is also a great deal of individual variation. Certainly, as a person who is Autistic myself and relatively active in community advocacy endeavors, I don't believe that autism parents are universally viewed in the manner in which you state here. <br /><br />I spent most of my life undiagnosed and only in recent years obtained a diagnosis - quite some time after two of my children were evaluated and diagnosed. So though I am an Autistic adult, I "cut my teeth," so to speak, in the autism world as an "autism parent." My experience in that regard isn't unique among Autistic advocates; many of us that are Autistic are also rearing our own children, several of whom are also Autistic. <br /><br />It would make no sense to hate parents when we are also parents. We might not be allistic/non-autistic parents, but that doesn't erase the fact that we do share many common experiences as individuals raising children on the spectrum. Parents, including autism parents, are not hated. Similarly, contrary to what you've stated, I don't believe anyone believes that autism is all flowers and rainbows and glitter. It is, like any other core characteristic of a human, something that has both positive and negative elements, and that is openly asserted by Autistic advocates both parent and non-parent alike. <br /><br /><br />The hashtags that you are referring arose in to an attempt to address what many of us we feel was a very damaging result of the Dr. Phil show episodes featuring Kelli Stapleton and other biased media coverage over the past year. A very large segment of the general public now believes that Kelli's experiences are representative of autism families - something I'm certain Autistics and autism parents would agree is not the case. However, how would bystanders who don't "live" this like those of us who are ourselves Autistic and/or have Autistic relatives know that? They don't. <br /><br />The public perspective of autism and those with the diagnosis, which was already woefully inaccurate to begin with, has been dramatically affected in a negative way as a result of those shows. That is a problem. It is not helpful for my Autistic children to grow up in a world where people believe them to be violent, subhuman, potentially dangerous and irrational out-of-control people as a result of their diagnosis (the way the public now views Issy, and likely others with autism diagnoses as well).<br /><br />It should not be controversial to want there to be increased focus on the victim in this situation - Issy. You are correct that Kelli should not be hated; she did a horrible thing, but she is still a human being. However, the bulk of the focus (and sympathy) should be directed toward the child who is the victim. That is not the case, and that is what frustrates many Autistics about the situation. Issy has been relegated to a bit player in her own life. That isn't the way it should be. <br />Morénikehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17360855353262663284noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427426624757697771.post-61469943668584842732014-10-12T23:57:41.284-07:002014-10-12T23:57:41.284-07:00Thank you. As an autism mother of a moderately se...Thank you. As an autism mother of a moderately severe daughter on the spectrum, I sincerely appreciate your words and hope those who are throwing stones will hear you. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01029119405745782861noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427426624757697771.post-4386808413969188372014-10-12T22:10:35.482-07:002014-10-12T22:10:35.482-07:00I am responding to you all at once because I have ...I am responding to you all at once because I have a ferret that I have to keep one eye on while she's out and about playing. I would like to eventually respond to you all individually, but will need time to process the words before I do so.<br /><br />Thank you all for your warm responses and your kind words which have been a moral booster for my shaky confidence. At first, I decided to not publish anything because I didn't want to risk alienating my autism FB friends or make them think I was posting it about them (I should have mentioned that earlier, oopsie - my apologies for any feelings unintentionally hurt) and I wanted to get it out there, while still remaining balanced. I didn't want to risk sounding hypocritical while pointing out other people's hypocrisy. I am very thankful for this community, and the space for allowing my words to be typed. Truthfully, I am still a little shocked that so many people read my post today and commented. The power could (almost) go to my head ;-)Serenityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10650101901884658415noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427426624757697771.post-50075751965702692502014-10-12T22:01:38.915-07:002014-10-12T22:01:38.915-07:00Thank you.Thank you.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13365375607194477373noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427426624757697771.post-24922570573586857762014-10-12T20:42:27.905-07:002014-10-12T20:42:27.905-07:00Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427426624757697771.post-67126477515224608872014-10-12T16:58:08.062-07:002014-10-12T16:58:08.062-07:00Thank you so much for your compassion. I'm a p...Thank you so much for your compassion. I'm a parent of a wonderful young man who has bipolar disorder but was previously diagnosed with ASD. I got beat up on Twitter last week for defending Kelli Stapleton (who was featured in my book, The Price of Silence). My son understands what happened: when I asked him what he thought, he said "She just broke, mom. It got too hard for her." As you so eloquently note, every person's experience is his or her own. We need less judgment and more compassion like yours.Anarchist Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16694159738195049158noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427426624757697771.post-90542263547636902972014-10-12T15:45:35.086-07:002014-10-12T15:45:35.086-07:00Really well putReally well putjillsmonoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427426624757697771.post-21509749484672454752014-10-12T15:30:29.048-07:002014-10-12T15:30:29.048-07:00Thank you.
Thank you for listening, watching, lear...Thank you.<br />Thank you for listening, watching, learning, and being wise.<br />Thank you for learning both difficult lessons from your parents as well as brilliant ones. Thank you for reminding people that bullying is bullying, no matter what. Thank you for reminding people that bullying and anger is born from wounds and fear. Thank you for recognizing that there aware no "sides" in this case, that this was not a sporting event in which it is appropriate to become a rabid fan rooting for a private individual.<br />Thank you for posing the question about what lasting or profound leap forward was gained in this journey.<br />Thank you for saying that justice is an subjective concept, and not universal. That one person's moral outrage is not a valid of a reason to do harm decide what punishment satisfies your moral code. Thank you for pointing out the hypocrisy of shaming and traumatizing and using hateful heinous language from a group who has many members who are wounded and angry because of the same treatment at the hands of others for being "different" and misunderstood.<br /><br />Living righteousnessly does not and cannot include treating people with contempt and insensitivity that you have deemed to be wrong when you were the victim. Having an opinion, or falling into the trap of believing you are "right" does not at all justify using polarizing and hurtful tactics as a means to your hoped for end.<br /><br />Thank you for being a critical thinker. Thank you for expressing yourself articulately. Thank you for saying in so many words, "stop the madness". Thank you for mentioning compassion.<br /><br />Thank you sharing your story that illustrates and reminds people that depression, mental illness, and suicide is not an issue unique to the autism community. I know two NT friends whose mothers tried to take their lives along with their own when they slipped into that dark space beyond reason. This is not a special occurance that happens to disabled children. Both suicidal AND homicidal thoughts and unfortunately in the worst case scenarios... Are actions that are defining traits of depression.<br /><br />Thank you for being sane and articulate.<br /><br />My thought is that the only thing that linked this case to autism is that it was caretaker burn-out (a real diagnosis) from caring for a child with autism that brought on the mental illness that led to this horrific situation. Many people in ASAN have suffered from depression. Not one of them needs to understand how caretaker burnout and relentless stress levels can trigger major depressive episodes. But they might want to consider that they know from experience that bullying and shaming is NOT an approach toward helping people period, let alone people with major depression. <br />If you harm and discredit the parents of children with autism, who will be be implement the messages of positive change you advocate for on behalf of their children.<br />You should be educating, not condemning.<br />You are alienating the audience who live on the frontlines and advocate and implement support for the children you hope to be treated better than you were in this journey of living with autism. <br />-Kat<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427426624757697771.post-40055956652440314512014-10-12T14:05:16.302-07:002014-10-12T14:05:16.302-07:00You're right, Kelli deserves to be in prison f...You're right, Kelli deserves to be in prison for attempting to kill her daughter. You're right, lack of services does NOT justify murder. I can't speak to how appropriate the services were that the Stapletons received, nor can I speculate whether or not they were adequate. <br /><br />Most people who are going to commit a murder or a murder/suicide have a plan, so the fact that she called the aides and told them not to come is not surprising nor is it particularly germane to the blog post to which you are responding - which is the same way you've responded all over the web to everyone discussing the Stapleton case. Clearly you have strong feelings about this and feel a need to make sure everyone knows what a monster Kelli is. What disturbs me is that you fail to try to listen to the people who are saying that YES Kelli deserves punishment, YES what she did was horrific and so wrong, but that we not only have compassion for Izzy, for Kelli's other children, for all of the family and friends, but also for Kelli herself. <br /><br />I have a brother who was a pedophile. He was the child of a pedophile (my birthfamily, I was not raised with him). Of all of the other children in the family he is the only one I know of who ended up a molester. He was in prison for several years as a result of one of his horrible crimes against children, and when he was in prison he contracted AIDS. Two years after his release he passed away. What he did was horrible. It was wrong. And I hate what he did, but I have compassion for him as a person, because I understand how much emotional pain he was in. It doesn't make me a child molester to have compassion for my dead brother no more than it makes me a murderer to have compassion for Kelli, no more than it makes me a car when I stand in my garage.<br /><br />This type of repetitive non-discussion does nothing for the community. Even so, I have compassion for you too. I hope whatever anger is driving you in regards to this subject cools off someday before it eats you alive.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427426624757697771.post-9843591887211986842014-10-12T13:48:14.077-07:002014-10-12T13:48:14.077-07:00Thank you so much for this post. As the mother to ...Thank you so much for this post. As the mother to a young man with severe autism, I can understand the despair that Kelli felt. It's not only the lack of services, it's the fact that all the services in the world don't seem to help our children. The fact that I can understand her doesn't mean I will murder my son. I am on several FB sites run by autism advocates because I will keep an open mind and listen to anyone if it might help my son. It becomes very difficult though to have meaningful dialogue with people who have a my way or the highway attitude.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14401987416314224954noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427426624757697771.post-76367775931734049132014-10-12T12:44:31.600-07:002014-10-12T12:44:31.600-07:00Kelli is and deserves to be in prison. It should g...Kelli is and deserves to be in prison. It should go without saying but clearly can't:<br /><br />Lack of services does not justify murder. Ever.<br /><br />Kelli Stapleton? Didn't lack for services. She had 2 aides en route to her home to work with Issy at 9:00 AM on that fateful Sept 13 day -- and called to postpone til noon that day.<br /><br />So she could murder Kelli instead!Katehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14075630681598355493noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427426624757697771.post-54098440305867774442014-10-12T11:31:02.644-07:002014-10-12T11:31:02.644-07:00HUGE STANDING OVATION. THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!HUGE STANDING OVATION. THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!jillsmonoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427426624757697771.post-73237077947142139032014-10-12T11:04:47.285-07:002014-10-12T11:04:47.285-07:00Taking a break between coffee and alcohol to let y...Taking a break between coffee and alcohol to let you know how much your words here mean to me, as a parent and a human being. Many, many thanks. Kathy R.noreply@blogger.com